Waiting for Leah

The story of our family as we wait for our adopted daughter

Shared the news with… October 5, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — bloggingforleah @ 12:07 am
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So today we shared the news we are adopting with my husbands parents – I think were a bit shocked. We bought a little pink elephant and put it in a pink bag and handed it to them. My mother in law was definately confused. They were excited, but to me they did not seem as excited as if I would have told them i was pregnant, but maybe that is just how I took it. No, I don’t think it was just me. My mother in law said “you don’t think you would have a girl?” Agh. How to explain adoption to someone who has never had that desire. My father in law started asking offering all these countries and asking us why we did not choose this one or that one. Kinda overwhelming because my two little guys were clammering for my attention at the same time. I think I had better prepare my answers somewhat better for when we do actually start to tell everyone our plans. We told them to keep it a secret for now. I think after our homestudy is approved we will share the good news with everyone.
Why an “Asian” culture? I honestly can say this culture was laid on my heart a long time ago. I can’t put into words the “why” just the honest desire I have to adopt a child from either China or S. Korea, and S. Korea is our best option when we looked into the programs. I know I will be asked “why not an American child.” And to tell the truth, I have thought about it. We looked into several domestic agencies but my heart is pulled, and I mean pulled across the ocean.
I have no doubt my husband and I will love this little girl with our whole hearts, I just want everyone to, right from the start. But I was adopted, and have thought about it a long time. No one in my husband’s family has ever adopted, so the idea is not something they regularly think about. I know they will get more and more excited as time goes on. I think we just really surprised them!!

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5 Responses to “Shared the news with…”

  1. Heather Says:

    Elisabeth,
    When we first said we were adopting, I got many of the same questions, I think most people do. What I did is I addressed their concerns and questions. You may want to try to have a day when the children are not there to distract from the conversation. I let my family know that I understood their concerns and that we had picked a culture/country that we were “excited” about. We feel that in order to keep our future child’s heritage intact that we need to be “excited” to learn about their culture, heritage, country, the whole ball of wax. We got the why not domestic or why not a country where it is possible to get a child that “resembles” you. My answer was that domestic adoption freaks me out, I do not want to pour my heart and soul into a child and have some stranger show up on my doorsteps and take my child away because they are “ready” to be a parent now. I am not saying all domestic adoptions have that issue but that is my feeling. That usually shuts them up on domestic. As far as another country, I just tell them, I know where my future child is and my baby will be waiting for me in S. Korea. Give them time, they will wrap their head around it, let them ask the questions and express their concerns. This is family so, they do deserve the time and energy of explanations, you will see they will start to get excited to as soon as they get “comfortable” with the idea. The other thing I did was offer to take them to one of the informational meetings, they felt that I was satisfying them with the answers they needed so they chose not to go. It is good to let them know they have the option t go if they want. Don’t mean to rattle on but I have kind of been there in a different way and done that. Our pending adoption is a topic of regular discussion now and everyone is looking forward to meeting our future baby just as much as we are!!

    • bloggingforleah Says:

      Thanks so much for your reply! It is so nice to hear from someone that has been there! I agree with your feelings on domestic adoptions, and that is a great answer I can give his family. Your words echo my thoughts in that my future child waits for me in S. Korea – I thought that would sound “odd” to say to them, but I think it is how we all feel. (those of us doing international adoption) When you write it it sounds right on to me! Do you have a blog about your adoption? I would love to read it if you do!
      I am so happy that everyone is excited about meeting your baby!! šŸ™‚ I think as time gets closer my husband’s family will get more and more excited.
      I totally agree with you on the culture/ heritage point, also. šŸ™‚

  2. Heather Says:

    My blog is http://www.ourjourneytoethanjacob.blogspot.com. I am sure you have been there, maybe last week. Are you on facebook or anything? I am free to help in any way I can. We have our dossier in China too. It has been there for a year on 10/7/08. I have been fielding these types of issues for a few years now. Trust me, it gets easier. Just keep in mind, not everyone warrants an explanation. Family, yes, friends depending on the relationship, yes, everyone else, not really their business unless you want to make it theirs. The other thing you have to remember is sometimes people say things or asks questions in a manner that seem insensitive, just find out what their intent is and use that time as a way to educate them as the correct way to ask or express themselves with positive language. Practice now so it comes natural for when your baby comes and you won’t have to try to correct it later on when it becomes habit for them.

  3. bloggingforleah Says:

    Wow – so you are in for two adoptions? That is so cool! I am going to catch up on your blog today so I understand everything. With out agency, you can’t have two adoptions going at once. We started with China, but withdrew with the wait.

    • Heather Says:

      Yes, I am in for 2 adoptions, here is my other blog that I have been pretty much MIA since starting with Korea. http://www.thekirstenchronicles.com
      Be glad you chose a different route, the wait time is crazy for China, had we know that to start with, we would have gone a different route.


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